Two Kilos of Horo: May 20th, 2013
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- Category: Miscellany
- Published on Monday, 20 May 2013 15:35
- Written by Chris
A meteor struck the moon last week, so please don't ask much of her for the time being. It will take her awhile to get over this.
Aries - Tensions will rise this week as you butt heads with another Aries. Use your star sign as an example and grow a strong set of antlers. You'll get through the mating season much safer and more sexed with a full set of ram horns.
Taurus - Irony takes the driver's seat in your life this week as you are repeatedly speared by a Spaniard with an impressive moustache and a flamboyant outfit. Your lucky numbers are 6 and π.
Gemini - You are emotional by nature and this week you'll find your emotional intelligence in high demand as a cabal of mad scientists kidnap you and drain vital fluids from your amygdala in order to give their killer cyborgs better emotional components.
Cancer - Now is the time to be sensitive to those around you. Or whatever.
Leo - A stranger will enter your life this week and how you respond to them will have a dramatic impact on your life. The stars suggest Stockholm Syndrome; hostage takers rarely kill hostages that they like.
Virgo - You will be deluged this week by requests for help. Give what you can, but no more. Learn to put your foot down. And carry an umbrella; the deluge comment wasn't just figurative.
Libra - If it comes to it this week, do not be scared to hit the eject button. The government can always build another experimental space fighter plane.
Scorpio - Sometimes the burdens of life just feel like too much to endure and you want to leave it all behind. Go ahead.
Sagittarius - They say that lightning never strikes twice. But science teaches us that in fact lightning often strikes the same place repeatedly. Just look at the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State Building. Or your body, after the coming thunderstorm.
Capricorn - Capricorns are famous for their self control, which will make what happens on Wednesday all the more hilarious. But don't take it too hard, everyone pees their pants in line at the bank at least once. Sure, they're usually 6 months old and in a stroller, but still...
Aquarius - You will have a profound, life-changing encounter with a Scorpio this week. Sorry, wait, with a scorpion. Ouch. Make sure your insurance info is up to date and your cellphone battery fully charged
Pisces - Pisceans have an unfortunate tendency to be martyrs for their beliefs. That does little to explain how you end up being stoned in the parking lot by the Safeway staff for trying to get a refund on a box of cereal with a mouse in it.
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Chris is an American writer and educationalizer living in Istanbul. You can follow him on Twitter @crfsanders if you're into that sort of thing
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This and the Case of the Mendacious Scandal Mongers
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- Category: This: Week in Review
- Published on Sunday, 19 May 2013 13:39
- Written by Chris
If you could be any person in the world, the chance that you would chose Barack Obama dropped dramatically this past week, thanks to the shizstorm of scandals raining down on him. Benghazi, of course, continues to froth at the mouth of your Fox News-watching uncle. This is compounded with an IRS scandal tailor-made for the right wing. There's a sort-of scandal involving Associated Press phone records too. While the details may or may not matter, the fact that they're occurring is not surprising at all. In the past several decades, the 2nd term of any president is plagued with scandals. The only thing at all surprising is how fast out of the gate the scandals came, and how quickly they piled up. Not a good week to be the king.
This week, we met a legendary spy, expressed some rather horrific desires, and hacked our brains in a couple of ways. We continued exploring depression and addressed the problem of women's armor in video games. We learned how to repair camera lenses, and will never ever do it. And, we found a piece of equipment we would like to have. A monkey ate a noodle. George Takei said "Oh myyyy" to some anti-gay protesters. Someone animated Patton Oswalt's Star Wars rant. And finally, what the hell is up with sovereign citizens?
H/T to io9.com
Woman Wants to Birth a Shark and Eat It
Oh, Japan. Don't ever change.
We're soon going to be facing a global food shortage crisis. How on earth are we going to feed new humans? But I still want to give life, I don't want 30 years of painful menstruation to have all been in vain. And I want to eat good meat.
Read more: This and the Case of the Mendacious Scandal Mongers
Ask a Duck: Genealogy Jerk
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- Category: Ask a Duck
- Published on Friday, 17 May 2013 23:07
- Written by Chris
Our resident counselor returns from flying the Appalachian Trail to give advice that good for the goose as well as the gander. Today, A Duck answers questions about a meddling genealogist and a meddled-with ghost.
If you have a question for A Duck, please ask them in the comments.
Dear A Duck,
I am engaged to a wonderful woman. She is truly my best friend and, dare I say, soul mate. She's bright, funny, outgoing, adventurous, and lights up the room whenever she enters. What makes her vitality so amazing is the troubled home life she came from. Her father left her mother when she was an infant. He was a deadbeat dad, had infrequent contact with her, and then was sentenced to life in prison for manslaughter. She has put this all far behind her; her mother did a great job overcoming all the challenges of being a single mom with little support, and eventually married a great guy. A couple of years of therapy helped as well. Her imprisoned father is a secret that she has shared with no one since going away for college and then moving to a new city. Until she met me, that is. We are very open with each other and I'm the only one she wants to know about this.
Which should be fine, except for my aunt. She has been obsessed with genealogy for years. Thanks to her, my family has an insanely well-documented family tree going back to 11th century France and Ireland. It's really impressive. And now that my fiancee is about to enter the family, my aunt is already asking her questions about her family. It's obvious that her step-dad (who legally adopted her) is not her biological father: she's fair skinned, blond-haired, blue-eyed; he's a dark-skinned African-American). My fiancee doesn't want to dig up the pain and questions about her real father. She's starting to avoid family functions where my aunt will be, and replied to her emails without any additional information. My aunt WILL find out, though. She's preternaturally good at accessing public records. I don't know what to do in this situation.
Confused Lover in Talahasse
Add a commentTwo Kilos of Horo: May 13th, 2013
- Details
- Category: Miscellany
- Published on Monday, 13 May 2013 20:29
- Written by Chris
The moon reaches apogee this week. With the right combination of off-label prescription drugs and herbal supplements, you can too. Saturn looks fabulous this week. Make sure you tell him so; he's really sensitive about his appearance after getting all those moons.
Aries - The stars aren't speaking to you until you apologize for what you did. You know what they're talking about.
Taurus - Your sign is associated with the element of earth. The stars don't know what that means exactly, but it's vitally important to your personality. Your assignment this week is to figure out why.
Gemini - You are witty and clever. This week you will need these two traits in abundance as you try to explain to Mr. Roper what is going on in your apartment. Mr. Roper, by the way, is an FBI agent.
Cancer - You have a tendency to be too sensitive and overreact to the slightest provocation. That won't be the case this week when you discover that literally every person you know is conspiring to have you declared an enemy combatant.
Leo - Your famous generosity will be called into question when you only donate one kidney to your backstabbing, conniving third cousin who only got let out of Levenworth due to a technicality.
Virgo - Remember that time you found $20 on the street? Well, see, this is awkward, but that was Mercury's and he kind of needs it back. We don't want to go into detail, but trust us, he needs it.
Libra - Can you believe some people call you unreliable? I know, it's crazy! We would never say that. Who would say that you can't be trusted to do even the smallest task? Not us, nosir. We couldn't say anything like that, even if you might not have watered the stars' plants like you said you would.
Scorpio - You are in for a stunning defeat as you totally miss the spread on how many lens flares there will be in the new Star Trek movie. The stars will be expecting you to pay the bet in full by Monday at the latest.
Sagittarius - Huh. It just says "sorry". Not sure what the stars mean by that. Kinda creepy, though. Hmm...
Capricorn - You pride yourself on your discipline and responsibility. But you know what the Bible says about pride. By which the stars mean that you're going to fall. Off a waterfall. Get travelers insurance.
Aquarius - You sometimes come across as aloof. This can be misinterpreted by those around you as douchbaggery. Keep that in mind when you meet the man or woman of your dreams this week and they try to use you to clean a rather unpleasant crevasse.
Pisces - An unexpected windfall will fall in your lap as a great gust of wind knocks the remains of DB Cooper onto you while you're just trying to read the damn paper.
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Chris is an American writer and educationalizer living in Istanbul. You can follow him on Twitter @crfsanders if you're into that sort of thing
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This and the Case of the Edited Talking Points
- Details
- Category: This: Week in Review
- Published on Sunday, 12 May 2013 21:18
- Written by Chris
Gawker answer the question that all non Fox News watching people have been asking the past couple of weeks. Three kidnapped women were rescued from a home in Cleveland after 10 years. Other things happened but I was too busy trying to get iPhone's IMEI registered.
This week, we explored the intricate relationship between a dog and a branch, revisited The Walking Dead, and recast sci-fi/fantasy characters as cats. We found some beautiful Simon/Ice King and Marceline cosplay. What if Wes Anderson remade Point Break? Sweet: prosthetic cat's paws. Not sweet: CO2 hits a new milestone. What's the difference between justice and punishment? And finally, what should you watch on Netflix?
Seoul Lotus Lantern Festival 2013
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- Category: Events
- Published on Saturday, 11 May 2013 16:16
- Written by Doug
Though the Lotus Lantern Festival is mostly the same every year, I still enjoy seeing it when I can. This year there was a contingent holding hangeul (Korean alphabet) shaped lanterns. I assume the characters spell out the contents of one of the wooden scripture blocks, like those held in Haeinsa.
Nothing much to say, just photos!
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